Photo by Scott Snyder
This article will once again begin by digging into my bottomless barrel of Old Sayings; the offering this time:
“Opinions are like bellybuttons; everyone has one, but some are more worthy of public display than others.”
I am, I must confess Dear Reader, one of those people who has an opinion on just about everything and feels compelled to share it. Oh, you too? Fancy that! It is a great thing when our opinions about something mesh and we can celebrate or commiserate the topic together. But what happens when we disagree?
All too often opposing opinions result in arguments, fist fights, even wars being fought. And why? Because the parties held differing opinions? Life is so much simpler if we can avoid open hostilities in our dealings with others.
Why is it that we hold so tightly to our own opinions as indisputable truth, and yet the opinions of others are mere fancy? Why do people HAVE differing opinions in the first place? If something is true for me, it’s true for you too, isn’t it? Not at all!
The Opinion Factory
You see our opinions are formed by the experiences of our own individual life. The opinions your parents and grandparents had will have rubbed off on you, the environment you were raised in, the schools you went to, whether or not you were ever bitten by a dog, or burned by a hot pot, enjoyed the taste of butter brickle ice cream, felt the sting of racial or sexual discrimination or were chastised for being tall or short or… well you get the idea.
The path I have walked through life is probably vastly different from the one you walked. Therefore what you experienced and how it affected you will be different from what I experienced. Your experiences and familial history formed certain perceptions in your mind. These will be different from those I formed.
“If we could read the secret histories of our enemies we should find sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.” – Longfellow
Why Do Opinions Matter?
I love dark chocolate. You may hate it. Would it be right for me to call you names and tell you that you’re wrong if you disagree with me? No; it’s your opinion and you are entitled to it. It is different from mine, but no less valid.
Most people could probably agree to disagree over an issue like chocolate. But what about deeper issues; politics, religion, socio-economic issues, is peanut butter better than chocolate? Oh, wait, we’re back to chocolate again, sorry.
Are these issues really any different? Whether I vote Republican, Democrat or Independent has largely the same root cause as whether I prefer dark chocolate, milk chocolate or white chocolate. It’s all based on my past experiences, my perceptions of those experiences and the consequences of those experiences.
Your experiences, perceptions and consequences are likely different from mine, so it is only to be expected that you might have drawn different conclusions than I have. Does that make you wrong? Does it make me wrong? Or does it just make us different?
Different is Just a Lack of Sameness
Different is good. If we were all just alike this world would be an incredibly boring place. I am so glad that we have tall people and short people and in between people. I’m glad we have thin people and um… not so thin people. I’m glad we have black, white, yellow, red, brown and blue people. People of all sorts of persuasions and opinions and talents. It all adds to the diversity of life.
I may not agree with some choices you‘ve made, some opinions you hold, but they are your choices and your opinions, formed from your own life experiences. You came to them the same way I came to mine and therefore they are no less valid.
Recognizing that we will not be able to be in perfect agreement with everyone we meet, and not letting that lack of agreement turn into hostility, is one of the best ways I know to keep life simple.
You are you and I am me. He is he and she is she. Let’s agree to disagree and just let it be. (and no, that’s not considered poetry!)
Mitchell Allen
railroad companies
sandra becker
vinyl cupola
Bruce
You’re right, except for that bit about dark chocolate, that is. EVERYONE knows that milk chocolate is the ONLY way to go! Ok, seriously, just imagine how utterly boring life would be if everyone was just like yourself. Can’t imagine it? Spend a few hours in an empty room all alone. The differences make us interesting to each other. The way we handle those differences makes us likeable (or not). I think that’s it, anyway. And now that you mention it, I might just try another piece of dark chocolate. Maybe I like it more than I think I remember it.
That’s OK Mike; you eat the milk chocolate and I’ll eat the dark and there will just be more for each of us.
My favorite way to eat it is accompanied by a steaming mug of rich coffee. And if I do enough of this, Brownian motion within my cells becomes so extreme that I can walk through doors without opening them!
Thanks for dropping in Mike!
If only it were so, Allan. We’ll never get to the point where we all like each other (and you know, that might be boring, too). But how much better everything would be if we could all just learn to tolerate each other. “Different is good.” It seems so obvious when you say it. Yet our seeming inability to stand others who think and act differently is the cause of much of the world’s problems. What’s the answer? Is there an answer?
If I had the answer, Charles, I’d buy those sandals we talked about, grow the beard out long and go sit on top of my mountain. I’d be tickled if we could get to where people could tolerate one another – like one another is just a pipe dream. In fact I’d be happy if we could just get to where we’re not always trying to rip one another’s throats out. But I guess if we ever did get there, politics would be really boring!
Thanks for stopping in Charles, it’s always good to see you. And watch out for UFO’s (Unannounced Flying Objects)
Hey Allan, I just subscribed to your list. It will be interesting to have something to compare mine to. Maybe we will have a difference of opinion over who is better and then we could have a good old flaming war
Not likely though because I’ve always found it better to let sleeping dogs lie than to brow beat someone to submission just because of a difference of opinion.
I think that’s where the arguments start because certain people just have to be right all the bloody time. Even when deep down they know they’re wrong they won’t admit it because they can’t bear to lose.
Love the photo mate
Yay; That’s Two! Thanks!
I don’t expect to be winning any awards for my… umm… what should they be called; not newsletters… updates? Notices? I don’t know. I’ll start simple enough and see what develops. I still have a lot to learn about how to harness the features of that program, and I’ll be watching WassUp for more hints and tips from you. Suggestions and observations will be humbly accepted and considered. Maybe not implemented, but considered anyway!
Damn it Allan, I was hoping to learn from you
Perhaps, seeing as how we’re both pretty new at this, we could learn from each other.
Works for me! By sharing our observations we will both learn.
I’m with Alabama Mike; milk chocolate is definitely the best! lol
We all have opinions, and I grant that everyone is entitled to their opinions. However, I must say that there are times when the stakes are so high that one just can’t sit still while someone spouts that opinion as if it’s fact. Me being minority, and a black man at that, the last thing I can sit by and hear is someone saying blacks are mentally inferior to anyone. You’d think that kind of thing would have disappeared, but it hasn’t. One could ask the question “who does that opinion really hurt.” I think history shows that at times one person’s moronic opinion was picked up, then spread, and the next thing you know someone’s being killed or oppressed in some fashion. Nope, can’t let that happen.
So, I’ll go with your “some are more worthy of public display” quote and be happy about that, and Sire’s belly button fantasy. lol
Yes, well, you don’t drink coffee either, Mitch, so it’s just a matter of different choices in our vices. And that’s fine, as Jess says below; More For Us!
Of course you are right that we should not allow ignorance to propagate especially if it will negatively impact others beyond ourselves. But, (in my opinion) picking our battles is key. Responding to derision with derision only escalates a situation. But, using your example; dazzling those around you with your obvious brilliance will do far more to negate the bigots influence. I’ve found that it takes an act of God (metaphorically speaking or otherwise) to change the minds of hard core bigots because their opinions are not based on fact and in many cases are not based on experience either.
But you know all that; you are a communications specialist, I’m just tossing it out for the sake of discussion.
As for me I don’t understand bigotry. You could say my only prejudice is toward prejudice. Having grown up in a highly mobile family I was exposed to more cultures and sub-cultures than most people would be in several life times. As such I would either learn to fear everyone or learn to accept everyone – until they prove themselves untrustworthy. Fortunately, I preferred the latter.
Thanks for your input Mitch. I always enjoy your insights.
Allan, I think we may be in the minority with dark chocolate. That’s ok, though…more for us!
I haven’t heard the “opinions are like bellybuttons” analogy before. The version I heard involves another body part, but I like this one better. I personally like hearing the opinions of others, especially those who differ from mine, because I actually like to learn why they think the way they do. Sometimes I think people think that what’s right for them is what’s right for everyone else and I don’t believe that. At all. I think we need to respect others opinions (unless they are like the one’s Mitch described. Ignorance is not an opinion.) and see if we can learn from them. It would be a great world if everyone would tolerate each other, but I don’t ever see that happening.
Absolutely, Jess, more for us! Let the other wrestle one another for the last milk chocolate Cadbury eggs, we will be watching comfortably from the sidelines with a treasure trove of dark chocolate!
I too like to listen to others discuss their thoughts and opinions; sometime I learn something new, sometimes I just shake my head. You are right about so many people thinking that everyone else thinks (or should think) just like they do, and therefore should hold all the same opinions. That is the point I was trying to make; we don’t all think alike because we all arrived where we are by different routes. Expecting everyone else to think just the way I do about everything would be irrational.
But then, humans do tend to be irrational. Again you’re right; we as a species will not get to the point of universal tolerance in this lifetime… but if a few of us try; it can’t hurt!
Hi Allan
Sure got the conversation going
And yes we all have our different opinions and some hold them more dear than others.
I agree (have the same opinion) with Mitch. Some things I would express strongly, but others I let go. But then, venting doesn’t really change peoples opinions does it?
Sometimes just living differently and showing by example speaks more to others than arguing I do believe. That often has a bigger impact too.
Patricia Perth Australia
I like to lead by example, and it has worked out very well for me in most situations. Displays of anger rarely get me what I’m after, generally I just come out looking like a fool because I lose the ability to think rationally when angry. Others seem to be able to hang onto that and can turn their anger into an effective means of retaliating against a (verbal) attack. A physical attack is another matter entirely – anger (and adrenalin) is beneficial here!
Have you tried the chili pepper dark chocolate?
Yumm!
‘course, my daughter was gifted with bacon-flavored chocolate, that she said…”Grew on her.”
Love the phrase, Different is just a lack of Sameness – brilliant! Keeping this in me files….great way to turn the concept on its head.
I have not yet tried the chili pepper dark chocolate but it sounds good. I’ll definately look into that one. Bacon flavored chocolate? I’mmmmm… not so sure about that one.
I’m adventurous enough to try a piece if offered, but I don’t think I’d buy a box. I did try a bar of gourmet chocolate made with chunks of sea-salt in it. I was skeptical since I don’t use salt but it was actually pretty good. I love spicy food, so I’m sure the chili-chocolate will be great.
Thank you for your kind words, Barbara!
Allan – As soon as I saw the title for this article I was looking forward to seeing the similarities between opinions and bellybuttons, and you definitely delivered.
I completely agree that everybody’s opinion is different because we all have different experiences and upbringings in life that shape the way we think and our views on different subjects.
However, even though our opinions are unique doesn’t mean they have to be offensive. I feel the only time you should keep your opinions to yourself is if you think they will bring down the next person or insult someone. Thanks for the thought provoking post.
Thank you Jason, I’m glad it fulfilled your expectations.
Discussion is good. Exploring our differences; coming to understand another’s viewpoint expands our human experience. But, As you say, when such an exchange becomes aggressive or belittling we need to step back and re-examine our motives.
Thanks for your comment, Jason, I appreciate your stopping in and sharing.
What uuuuup Allan,
Great insight here bro. Damn I want some chocolate now. Our opinions are just referneces and experiences we have had so far in life. Whenever we meet people with differing opinions we should take the time to get to understand them and their point of view, by doing this we will grow as a person aswell as becoming more compassionate.
bLAZE yOUR tRAIL
Exactly!
Thanks for visiting Ryan.
I think we all have a ‘you’re wrong’ level. And I think that level moves about with the perceived veracity of the other person. Someone telling me something in a calm tone that I’m completely against in my own life, is a great discussion. But stand within inches of me and scream it in my face will make me ‘go to guns’ in a split second.
So therein lies a key. For those questioning ‘can we change it’, ‘how do we change it’, I think the answer is within us and us only.
I can’t remember the philosopher, but there was an example: A street bum came up to him and started screaming. He stood still, silent. When the bum stopped, he asked the bum, “If I gave you a present and you didn’t accept it, and you gave it back to me, who would it belong to?”.
The bum said, “To you”. “That’s right” he said to the bum. “I do not accept your present. Your anger is yours”.
I need to learn how to not accept presents so quickly.
Thanks for bringing this subject up for discussion. We all need to hear it, again and again.
Very true; aggression begets aggression.
I love your philosopher quote; just hand the anger back to them, don’t accept it. Wonderful!
Thank you for dropping in Gibson – and for the great addition to the discussion.
I’m with the dark chocolate group. *Go Dark Chocolate!!!!!!!!!!!!”*
It would be so boring if everyone had the same opinion. My son likes to turn everything into a debate. He will take an opposing side on anything just to argue a side, and I told him he needs to be a lawyer. Some people do just love to argue a side…like a sport. I’m sure the lack of understanding of another view is why I despise politics.
I love how you describe why we pick what we do..based on our experiences, etc and “It is different from mine, but no less valid.”
Thank you, for the kind words, Melinda! I had an uncle who was much like your son; when I visited I had to be very careful of my “small talk” or it would turn into a row.
Politics are especially difficult because so few people base their opinions on first-hand experience and proven fact. It’s almost all stuff we’ve read or heard discussed.
Since dark chocolate is packed with anti-oxidants and is lower in sugar than milk chocolate – it’s actually a Health Food! Well, almost…
“Different is Just a Lack of Sameness” Wow, Allan. This is a great quote. God created us differently for a purpose. We are unique. So it is pointless if we always talk about differences. Let’s find the similarities. Thanks for the enlightenment, Allan.
You’re welcome, Andrew. And thank you for dropping in.
I like the title of the post “Opinions are Just Like Bellybuttons”. It’s very cool and meaningful rather it is. I agree your perceptions about opinions. People were not in constantly fair. We are not in the same way in living with life and that caused too from varying opinions with others. You may have like something that others don’t. meaning to say, it’s your own way of expressing your thoughts toward that particular thing or something. Your post had enlighten me so much and its point out the truth.
Chris Daily
Typing jobs
Thanks Chris.
It’s quiet funny about the quote above. Though it simple but it has deep meaning. I do agree about the opinion statement you dictated. Yes, we may vary in our opinions and that because we are different from each other. Every man had similarities and differences in opinions.
Eric Dawson
P.S. Mind if I leave a shameless plug? I’m the webmaster for promotionalgain.com – cheap mattresses
Thanks Eric
We always have different opinions. As I refer to the quote above, some would prefer to speak out what’s on their mind and don’t want to think that they might be wrong or others will not in favor on them. Even though it’s been a different opinions from all of us. We just wait others for their agreement and disagreement. Share this post of yours. Everybody should know this.
John Perry
Ohio, US
Webmaster of (Best original mattress)
Thanks John. I do my best to share, help from people like you to spread the word is much appreciated.
Alan, In my venturing through blog sites, based purely by interesting handles, I have come to yours…and so far..LOVE IT!!!!
Great post on this. I am one of those who has had major fall-outs with others due to differences of opinion. It seems so odd to me, that unless I see it their way, I am dismissed. Really!?!!?! But, when you combine the unforgivable political/religion viewpoints, all bets are off for a meaningful discussion. lol.
Looking forward to reading some more of your insights.
Thanks Cris. I needed the boost you just gave me. I’m so glad you’re enjoying my prattling.
As from the saying I can now understand why some bellybuttons are not worthy to be shown in public. In this regard everyone has an opinion but some opinions need not to be said in public or to others. We should be ready to own up what comes out of our mouths. Thanks for this wonderful post.
Thanks,, Alloys, I’m glad you liked it.
Great stuff indeed. I fancy this; it is a great thing when our opinions about something mesh and we can celebrate or commiserate the topic together! Really agree with you Allan. Everyone may desire his/her opinion heard but not all of our opinions will be taken into consideration since not all will have same opinions. We have different opinions and some of those will be heard in public while others not. We must be careful sometimes of what comes from our lips to be presented in public or to others. I’m impressed by your article; I look forward into hearing from you again. Keep up and thanks for sharing!
Exactly, Luicer! Thanks for reading.
Absolutely true, opinions of different people tend to differ, though everyone has his or her and not all can be presented to the public.Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for joining in, Mercy!